Hence, words.

I haven’t been able to write anything in a long time. Honestly, I’ve missed writing, and I hope it has missed me back too. When I write something, I keep typing furiously looking at the keypad of my laptop, trying in tiny efforts that get extinguished within the blink of an eye to convince myself that it is as good as writing with a pen and paper in hand. As I finish typing each word off, I realize it isn’t good enough.

It isn’t good enough because the words come easy here. It didn’t take me one complete second to write down the word ‘Love’, or two and a half seconds to etch the words ‘He repaired me.’ permanently onto paper. It didn’t take my hands the effort to glide over the rough paper and move along the curves of the alphabets. I didn’t have to lift my hands every time I wrote my ‘i’s’ to put the little dot on the top.

So I do realize that it’s a compromise. A big one indeed.

Writing down makes you realize the immensity of the sentiment that went behind in associating meanings to the words. If you look at it, at the end of the day, words on paper are ultimately representation of sounds that have come to mean something to us over the years. If you keep going back to the start, in the end, nothing would mean anything. No one knew what the word ‘meaning’ meant at the beginning of things. In the end, it is all a big oxymoron.

I’m talking about the importance of the words on paper. Where am I writing about it? Well, on my laptop. So I do realize that I’m a severe hypocrite.

But there is one thing I’ll always realize over and over again.

We needed to explain each other what we feel in our silences. Hence, words. We needed to know things other than silence, in order to truly recognize what silence really was at the beginning of things. Hence, words. We needed to remember over centuries how our souls communicate truly only in moments of absolute silence. Hence, words. We needed to understand someday that no matter how many words you write on paper, there is never going to be a complete translation of thoughts. Words never capture everything. We needed something to remind us that in the end, our only language is silence and everything else is just a charade. But for every truth to exist, there also must exist a lie. If there were no words, would we ever know what silence was. Hence, words.

I needed to do something about that feeling in my heart when he looked at me. I needed to give it some tangible form so that it could take the silence from my heart and put it safely in his. The only legitimate thing I could ever exchange was silence. But what do I trust my silence with? I can’t trust silence in the hands of silence. There are so many silences floating around him. What if he picked up the silence from some other person who doesn’t feel about him the way I do? That is why I entrusted my silence in something else. Something that distance could carry without attenuating sentiments beyond repair. Hence, words.